Retribution
by Wingfield.Legend
Summary: Final chapter now up - "She couldn’t believe that he had been getting plastered behind her back for weeks now. As Lisbon felt the anger well up inside her she let it all go, her words laced with venom" Is there a happily ever after for Jane and Lisbon?
1. He Wasn't a Psychic

**A/N. Fic number 2, think I'm going to become addicted to this soon !  
This is 1 of a 3 part fic revolving around, yeah you guessed it, Jane and Lisbon.  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing :)**

**Enjoyy  
~WL**

* * *

He Wasn't a Psychic

A week.

One whole week.

7 full days, each with their own 24 hours.

That was how long it had been.

10080 minutes. So long since he had last heard the sound of her voice. Not even that.

How was he to know that it would affect her like that? Oh yeah, he was meant to be a psychic. A psychic would have known that.

Poetic justice, that's what they call it, isn't it.

He sat there, bitter as hell. Who knows how much longer this would last. He didn't. After all, he wasn't a psychic.

* * *

She sat at the wheel, tears pouring down her face, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.  
She knew that she shouldn't be driving in this condition, but what could she do, realistically.

Well, of course something came before that. Such occasions do not just come flying out of the blue.

* * *

"Right, we've got a case. Up in the mountains, let's get going guys. JANE."....  
"Two victims. Samantha Andrews, 31 years old and her daughter; Elizabeth Andrews, 7 years old."....  
"We found them in the bedroom."....  
"Knife wounds"....  
"No idea Boss, my guess is the landlord."...._  
It's the husband. The father. The bastard._  
"We've got nothing at all."_  
If only you'd listen._  
"JANE! Where are you going?"_  
I just couldn't face the ignorance._  
"_Who the hell is this?"  
Graham Andrews. Your murderer._  
"What the hell Jane you can't just go around arresting people?"_  
Someone has to do it._  
"How did he know?"_  
How could he._  
"JANE! Where are you going this time?"_  
I just can't take it anymore. _

_

* * *

_

And so it started. The first of a bout of killings. He kept his control well, or so they all thought. In reality, it got worse every single time. The occasional son didn't tear him apart quite so much, but the pure evil involved in a single wife and daughter was enough to rip his heart out, time and time again. Every time it was the same. Nobody else would suspect the husband, at least in the first few cases of this sort. They would all potter about futilely questioning the gardener, the maid, the neighbours, the older brother, the grandparents, whoever, until Jane disappeared and returned with the killer in tow, ready to make a confession. Nobody knew what he did to them, nobody wanted to. It wasn't likely that it was above the line of the law. But they let it continue. They thought that here he would get his closure, by putting away so many men who caused the same pain that he was suffering. He retained control, didn't let it show. He was always in the same place every morning, lying on the couch. Nobody said a word, they didn't know what he did to keep it all together, but as long as it worked they weren't going to ask questions. Lisbon would eye him with concern every morning after he had missed team pizza, but he never gave anything away. At least he still had some of his skills left. If only she knew, it would rip her apart too. That was the sole reason that he was so careful. He couldn't do it to her, he just couldn't. Or so he thought.

* * *

"Lisbon, a word please."

As she walked into Minelli's office she prayed that this wasn't about Jane. They'd all noticed his withdrawal since this particular trend of killings had started. As much as they all claimed to hate the pain in the ass consultant Jane, they would give anything to have him back. He still tried, but they could all see through it, as clear as crystal.

"We've got another one. A wife and daughter in Malibu. Thing is, all the evidence points away from the husband. Your team are on it, but I don't want Jane storming in there and apprehending the father before anybody else can do anything about it, because in this case he might just be wrong." Minelli gravely told her the facts, these murders were starting to get to the whole unit, everybody knew about them. "Get Jane to stay here, or send him out for coffee or something, if you can."

With that Lisbon thanked her boss and vacated his office. She went straight back to her own, calling her team in with her. "Jane, stay where you are, please". She had noticed that he had started to get up, and as much as she hated shutting him out, she hated what these murders were doing to him even more. Surprisingly after Van Pelt shut the door nobody else tried to open it again, maybe he had listened for once.

"We've got a case in Malibu guys, road trip time. Another W&D murder, but all the evidence points away from the father. I'll brief you on more details on the road, let's get going." Lisbon said concisely, she just wanted to get this over and done with.

"What about Jane, boss?" Cho asked passively.

"I don't know, to be honest. I don't want him to come, but I can't see how that's going to happen. Just try and keep him away from the action, and he'll ride with me. You take the case notes and run over them on the way." With that she turned back to her desk to gather up the case notes that Minelli had given her, and the other agents filed out of their office to get their things. It was likely to be an overnight trip so they all grabbed some stuff to take.

Five minutes later Lisbon emerged out of her office, already looking run down by this case. The other's had already headed down to the lot so it was just her and Jane left in the bullpen. He opened his eyes and regarded her as he felt her presence enter the room, and for a split second she thought that he would stay behind of his own accord. As if he had read her mind he said to her "It's okay Lisbon, I'm fine, let's go." She knew it was a front, but she knew that he would never let her in properly.

"Are you sure?" she questioned, concern evident in her eyes for what Jane thought must have been the hundredth time recently.

"You know me" he said, setting up his features in his trademark grin. The one that shut out the world and told everybody that everything was good and dandy. Lisbon could see straight through it, as always. Maybe he was starting to rub off on her.

As with every case like this one, they went through the rituals of Lisbon asking if Jane was okay, really okay, on their way down to the coast, and she got the same reply over and over, of course he was okay, why wouldn't he be? She wondered if he knew how obvious it was that this was killing him inside.

When they reached the beachside mansion Lisbon took control of her team once again. There were already local PD on the scene and a forensics team from the CBI was close behind them. Lisbon flashed her badge to the DA and proceeded to lead her team through to the house. They headed up to the bedroom, Jane lagging behind uncharacteristically.

After the rest of the team had surveyed the scene and headed off to find people to question Jane took the time alone to check out the crime scene himself. He entered the bedroom and froze as soon as he saw the victims. He stood stock still for a good five minutes, a vacant look on his face.

A tall blonde woman lay on the bed, curled up beside her was a seven year old girl with flowing blonde locks. There were knife gashes everywhere and blood decorated the room. It was a scene that had haunted Jane for too long in his nightmares. He tore himself away from the scene after long enough of staring at it, turned on his heel and walked straight out of the house.

"The husband" he said as he walked past Lisbon. He didn't even know where he was going.

Lisbon called his name in an attempt to stop him, but he just couldn't take any more of this. It was the seventh such occasion, but not once before had the scene so resembled that of his own wife and daughter so many years ago.

"You can't ignore a Jane hunch boss," Rigsby told Lisbon from where he stood beside her.

"All the evidence points the other way," Lisbon replied to him, as much as she wanted Jane to be right for his own peace of mind she couldn't see it happening.

"It's still a Jane hunch," Cho joined the conversation.

"Fine, check it out. Find the husband and find out what he knows." She knew that there was only an outside chance of Jane being right on this occasion, but her team was right, it was a Jane hunch, she couldn't ignore it. After all, his hunches were half the reason that the teams solve rate was as high as it was.

-----

"You were right." Jane heard Lisbon's soft voice carry along the wind towards him. "We've got him, they're taking him back to the office now." Jane didn't respond, he just sat, alone with his thoughts. "What are you thinking?" She knew it wouldn't work, but she had an obligation to try, even if it was only an internal one.

_How much I wish I could prevent these murders, rather than just solve them. How sick it is that someone could throw away something so beautiful. How I'd do anything to have what he gave up. How she looked so much like my little girl. How I'd give up anything in the world to just see their faces one more time. How much I loved, no, love, them. How much I miss them. How I can't cope with anymore of this._

"Come on, we need to get back."

She gave up, leading him by the elbow. He looked so vulnerable. He never said a word.

The moment they got back to the office Rigsby ordered pizza, Lisbon filled in the paperwork that she had not yet done, Cho dug out his book after the boss refused his offer for help, and Van Pelt retreated to the kitchenette to make tea, or maybe just to get out of the way. Jane collapsed onto the couch.

An hour later everything was sorted out and the team sat down to their traditional team pizza once they wrapped up a case. Jane sat down with them, much to everybody's surprise. He had to at least try...

The mood was sombre, much more so than usual. Nobody had failed to recognize the similarities between this case and Jane's own grief. Nobody asked him about it, nobody, although they'd never admit to it, wanted to hear the answer, or be burdened with the guilt of bringing it up. They silently started the pizza, with dead conversation reverberating off the walls. Jane sat in silence, he didn't eat.

As Van Pelt was about to query him about this Jane stood up abruptly, he turned to walk away, and then as if an afterthought, turned back and said quietly "I'm sorry, I, I just...sorry." Nobody but Lisbon noticed as a tear escaped through his mask and made its way down his face just as he turned away from them.

Rigsby called after him "Jane. Jane, come on mate..." but before he had a chance to finish Lisbon laid a hand on his arm and said gently "Just leave him Wayne." At the unusual touch and the use of his first name Rigsby fell silent.

Lisbon had no idea where Jane was going, but she knew that he needed to be alone right now, so she let him be. If he hadn't returned by the time they all went home she told herself that she would call him.

_I can't face them. I feel so bad, just leaving them, but they must understand. Lisbon must understand. _

Jane walked out of the office, took a left as usual but then half way down the street he realised he had no idea where he was going. _I can't face my house_ (for it was no longer a home to him)_, and Lisbon isn't in. _He had no idea, so he just wandered the streets aimlessly for a good hour. He had somehow made his way into the centre of the town. He picked the first bar that he came across. Harpo's. He used to frequent this particular bar in his first few months in Sacramento, he knew the bar maids well, and they knew that when he came in alone they were better off leaving him that way.

As he walked in relief washed over him as he saw who was serving at the bar. Annabel and Charlotte. He wouldn't have any trouble from them, he would just be left to wallow in his own misery. God he was glad that times hadn't changed too much around here.

"Patrick Jane! Now there's a face that I haven't seen in a while!" As Annabel greeted him Charlotte looked over and gave him a sad smile. She knew everything, she had been his only confidant for a good while when he first came to the city, and she had enough reserve to never ask questions, just provide someone to listen for the evenings when he just needed to get everything out. Annabel quickly picked up on his demeanour and changed her tone. She had always been slightly jealous that Jane had chosen Charlotte to pour his heart out to, but she too understood some of what he went through and that he, more often than not, kept himself to himself. She lowered her tone and simply stated "I thought you'd moved on to bigger and better bars."

"Broke the habit for a while actually," Jane responded quietly. "The usual please," he then excused himself and went to sit at a table in the corner.

A minute later Charlotte brought him over his drink and slid into the seat opposite him.

"Hey," she said nervously, she didn't know just how far he had broken the habit, although from his conduct it seemed like he was here for his old reasons. "You look rough," she continued, the sad smile returning to her face.

"Thanks," Jane returned the smile. He was growing more and more grateful that he had chosen to come here. "Maybe a bit later, I'm not too sure really."

She knew that this finished the conversation and he didn't want to talk just yet. She would return to his side in a few hours and do as he asked, if he still wasn't ready, she would extend her shift and wait until he needed her. She hadn't seen him in this state in years. She would simply watch his table; delivering another drink each time he had finished his current one, each time he would smile up at her, glad that someone respected his need just to forget everything.

-----

"Boss, come on, you know that there's nothing more that you can do here tonight, you may as well go home and get an early night." It was 9:00pm and the team had finished their pizza, they were all making their way home and Van Pelt was trying to convince Lisbon to do the same.

"I'm just going to go and take this paperwork to Minelli," she replied, adamant not to leave yet.

"I thought that he said he didn't want it until tomorrow." Van Pelt pressed on.

"There's no reason why paperwork shouldn't be put in early," Lisbon was clutching at straws here.

Cho interrupted the conversation, "Leave it Grace." At this Van Pelt knew that there was nothing more that she could do, they all knew how stubborn their boss could be at times. As she walked away Cho looked hard at Lisbon, "You're waiting for Jane aren't you?"

"You didn't see him earlier. I've never seen him like that before,"

"He'll come back when he's ready, he always does,"

"This time I'm really not so sure. Just let me call him, and then I promise I'll go home," Lisbon knew that she was defeated, so, for once, she gave up without too much of an argument.

"Ok, well I'm going to get off, so I'll see you in the morning." This showed Lisbon just how much Cho's trust in her extended. His immediate acceptance of her word left her with no choice but to do exactly as she had said. She pulled out her phone and dialled 1 on speed dial. It rung out. She really wasn't surprised. At least she had tried. Cho was right; he would come back when he was ready. She hoped.

-----

The night passed on, Jane never felt like talking. At closing time Charlotte came back over to sit with him.

"Hey," she greeted him again. She knew she wouldn't get a reply, so she continued. "You know, it was really good to see you again tonight. Obviously I wish the circumstances were different, I hate seeing you do this to yourself, but, that's none of my business unless you make it so."

Jane just sat there, staring at the table as he had been doing all night. When she had brought his 10th, actually, maybe it was his 11th, drink over he had been crying silently to himself. He hadn't even bothered to wipe away the tears when she sat down beside him. He continued to sit in stony silence, so she returned to her place at the bar.

"It's closing time Patrick. I'll call you a ride." She gently helped him stand up and took his phone out of his trouser pocket, before guiding him back down to his seat again. She did as she did every time an evening ended like this and went straight onto his recent calls. Lisbon was a name that she had never encountered before, she vaguely remembered the name Lisbon, but had never had to call her requesting a lift home before.

-----

_They were walking through the park together, hand in hand. She never thought that it would come to this, but she couldn't keep the smile off her face. Suddenly his phone began to ring. Why wasn't he answering, whoever it was must have had some importance, otherwise they would not have interrupted this special moment between them. Wait, it's still ringing. There it goes again. Maybe it isn't his. Maybe it's mine._ Damn, the phone. Lisbon was torn from her dream with the incessant ringing of her mobile. She blearily looked at the clock, 2:04am, who on earth was calling her at that time?

"Lisbon"

"Er, hi, my name is Charlotte, I'm..."

"Sorry I'm not interested, good night."

"No wait, please,"

"Seriously, give up before I report you." Sales-people, did they have no respect at all.

Just as Lisbon was about to put the phone down Charlotte tried once more "I'm with Patrick Jane,"

Lisbon came back to full consciousness with a start. _Oh God, what has he done now?_

"I'm so sorry it's so late, you were the last person to phone him."

"What does he need?" Charlotte couldn't avoid hearing the concern that tainted her voice.

"We're at Harpo's, on Sunset Boulevard, he needs a lift home, if that's not too much to ask..."

Lisbon rolled out of bed and grabbed some sweatpants and a tank top out of her chest of drawers, "I'll see you in ten minutes. Oh, and thanks."

"For what?"

"Just... just for looking after him."

Charlotte had no idea who this Lisbon character was, but she came to the conclusion that maybe Jane had finally found someone else to care for him when times got tough.

"Can I have one more drink?" His quiet voice broke her from her musings.

"Patrick, I really think you've had enough for tonight." Charlotte didn't want to start a fight with him, but he was already completely off his face.

"Please, just to take the edge off...wait, who... who did you...who did you just call?"

"Lisbon is coming to pick you up." So he had been paying the slightest bit of attention.

"Please, she's going to hate me for this." No matter how many times she had seen Patrick Jane beg, she could never resist it when he looked at her like that. Even with the amount of alcohol that was coursing through his veins he still managed to get his own way.

"What do you want?"

"Anything. Dry martini or something." He slurred, she knew that she shouldn't be doing this.

She went back to the bar, unlocked the cabinet and took out the gin and dry vermouth that she needed to make the drink; he could do without the olive.

As soon as she gave it to him, Jane downed the drink. Charlotte was now considerably more confused as to the identity of Lisbon, so she gave up on the idea and just sat next to Jane, his head leaning on her shoulder.

Lisbon knocked on the door of the bar and without waiting for a reply she walked straight in. The moment she saw Jane she almost fell apart there and then. Jane looked up at her like a helpless child and the raw pain that he had diluted with his drinking returned with full intensity. Charlotte didn't even both asking. The two of them all but carried him out to the car and put him in the passenger seat. The moment they did he closed his eyes and for all Lisbon could tell he passed out.

"Thanks" she said again, out of earshot of Jane. Not that he was listening.

"I'm sorry," was all Charlotte could say, sorry for getting her out at the time in the morning, and sorry for letting Jane get into the state he was currently in. The same state her father that had got himself into almost every night when she was little.

* * *

She sat at the wheel, tears pouring down her face, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly.  
She knew that she shouldn't be driving in this condition, but what could she do, realistically.

* * *

That's where it had started. Who knew where it would end.

Jane certainly didn't. After all, he wasn't a psychic.

* * *

**A/N. As I said on my last post I'm a new writer and would really appreciate some feedback as to whether you like my writing ! I know you're out there !**  
**If you review I might give you cookies ;)**

**Cheers,  
~WL**


	2. Talk to Him

**A/N. Thank you for reviews, much appreciated.  
Part 2 of 3**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing :)**

**Enjoyy  
~WL  
**

_Talk to Him_

"_Talk to him," _

"_I've got nothing to say to him,"_

"_This is killing him you know,"_

"_Maybe he should have thought about what he was about to do then,"_

"_Can you blame him for wanting to forget?"_

"_Can I blame him? He, of all people, knows better than that. He knew how much it would hurt me." Lisbon's tone dropped suddenly and Van Pelt came to the conclusion that maybe she had pushed Lisbon one step too far. She backed off and left the Senior Agent on her own in her office. _

_

* * *

_

_Lisbon didn't know what to do, heck; she didn't even know what to think. She was still unbelievably angry with Jane, but she was wondering whether it was worth all this. Was she doing more damage than good?_

_She knew, from Jane's attitude to her over the past week, that he realised the extent of the mistake that he had made. He had retreated to his couch, only speaking when spoken to, and he spent what seemed like all day, every day, just staring into space. Lisbon was completely torn between conflicting emotions, and although she thought deep down in her heart Van Pelt was right; her head was too stubborn to admit it. _

_The blunt truth was that in recent years Lisbon had not felt pain anything like this. When her mother died it ripped her apart and effectively ended her childhood, but she recovered. She had to look after her brothers and her father and she didn't have a lot of time to reflect on the meaning that her mother was gone, and she was never going to see her again. Her father being a drunkard nearly killed her, but a part of her did understand that he was in so much pain and he just didn't know what else to do. _

_This was different. Jane put up a front whenever he was surrounded by others. Only Lisbon knew how vulnerable he really was, and on previous occasions she had helped console him and given him a shoulder to cry on when there was nobody else. He alone knew the details of her past and her resultant despise of alcohol. That was what really got to her. He knew that she had never had more than a few glasses of wine in her life, and he knew that the cases that got to her the most were those where an individual's judgment was clouded by the effects of alcohol. He understood how much she had been hurt by intoxication, and yet he went right ahead and did what he did. _

_He knew. _

_

* * *

_

_But she missed him. As stupid as it sounded, she missed her pain in the ass consultant. She had to admit, the office was deathly quiet without his tricks, jokes and pranks. She knew that the minute she forgave him, really forgave him, he would back to his usual self. The real Jane would come back, or at least the Jane that everybody else saw. He might steer clear of her with his wildest tricks for a few weeks, but soon enough it would be back to normal. Crime scene's would no longer be places where there were no walls between them to cut the tension, car journeys would become bearable again and Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt would cease to hold silences whenever they were present in the bull-pen. _

_And Jane wouldn't have that vulnerably painful look in his eyes whenever they briefly held contact._

_

* * *

_

_Jane lay on his couch, eyes fixed on the door of Lisbon's office. He hated himself so much for what he had done. It hadn't been a conscious decision, but he would still give anything to take it back. Of all the things he could have gone and done, getting wasted was the only one which would really affect Lisbon. She would have been angry if he had broken the law, and she would have cared if he had gone home and wallowed in his own self-pitied tears, but by drinking so much alcohol he couldn't even stand up, he had hurt her. He had really hurt her, like nobody had hurt her in a long time. When the drinking started he told himself that he wouldn't ever let her find out, because he knew what it would do to her, he knew that it was a slippery slope, but at the time it looked so attractive. It started with a few glasses of wine the night after the first W&D case, and then it just kept getting worse with each new case, right up until the night he made his way back to Harpo's in the city. He simply hadn't known where to go, or what to do, and when he came across his most frequented bar in town, he had thought that it was a good idea. _

_Oh what a bitch hindsight could be. _

_He couldn't even bring himself to try and apologize to her. It wasn't selfish, it wasn't that he didn't have the guts to, but he knew that if he even approached her office she would shoot him down or ignore him. In any other circumstance he would simply refuse to budge until she listened to him, but he couldn't even do that now. He had caused enough damage already. He lay on his couch, day in, day out, and waited for her to come to him. A part of him was confident that this would never happen, and in the bad hours his mind sometimes slipped into the depths that convinced him that Lisbon would never look at him in the same way again.  
Truth be told, he was scared. He had never hurt a woman like this, whether unintentionally or not. Yes he had had fights with his wife but they were mostly about frivolous things and they had made up by the end of the day. There had been times where he had neglected ladies who had hung onto him after a few dates, he had ignored their calls and broken it off with them. His little girl sometimes used to cry if he didn't get her the toys that she wanted, but he knew that if she had grown up to be old enough she would have appreciated the fact that he hadn't spoiled her. But this was different. _

_Alcohol was the one thing which Lisbon couldn't deal with. It was the one thing that really got to her and made her feel emotions that she had tried so, so hard to bury. And he knew. He was, as far as he knew, the only person that Lisbon had told about her past properly. He was the one who had been there for her when she had just needed to let everything out, and he had abused this trust by going against her one single plea, that nobody else that she loved would be claimed by alcohol, whether momentarily or for an extended period of time. And all just to quell his own emotions. He had selfishly tried to forget his own problems, and in doing so had created much, much greater problems for the only person in the world that he truly trusted. _

_And he had no idea how to fix it. _

**A/N. Pretty little green button just begging to be clicked. Come onn..I do it for youu!**

**Cheers,  
~WL  
**

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	3. Kick Me While I'm Down

**So here it is, my first finished fanfic! Just want to say thanks to all the people who reviewed, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! But seriously, it really does help guys so cheers.  
**

**Dislaimer: I own nothing :)**

**Enjoyy,  
~WL  
**

* * *

Kick Me While I'm Down

Lisbon sat at her desk. 7.42pm. She really should have left by now.

"_Going home any time soon?" Jane stood leaning on the door frame, his features set in his customary smirk. _

"_I was just leaving actually," Lisbon responded. This had become a ritual for them since Jane had started working at the CBI. _

"_Really? That's what you said last time I caught you working late, and you then proceeded to work even later!" Jane sure was persistent. _

_Lisbon gathered up her stuff, she knew that Jane wouldn't let her get any more work done tonight. "See you in the morning Jane, and don't you dare follow me tonight!" _

_She meant it seriously, but as usual Jane just looked at her and said "I wouldn't even dream of it, Lisbon", adopting him most innocent face to hide the grin that was creeping into his expression. _

Lisbon looked out of her office at the man lying on the couch, 'his' couch. Of course that hadn't actually happened, not with the week they'd had. She would have been annoyed with him if he had done that more than a week ago, but now she would give anything to have him back to normal. She thought that it was time to heed Van Pelt's advice. She was going to talk to him.

* * *

Jane had actually been sleeping on his couch, so was unaware of the fact Lisbon was still in the building, or more accurately standing right beside him. She thought that he was awake so didn't take any action to rouse the man; she simply stood there expecting some smart comment. Oh yeah, that wouldn't happen either, would it.

_Ok, maybe he is actually asleep... _"Jane," she said, quietly. No matter how much she needed him to wake up, before she chickened out of this and ran away from him once more, her maternal instincts kicked in and she took up the job of waking Jane in a gentle manner. "Jane," she repeated, louder this time.

"Hmmm, yeah what's up?" Jane murmured in his sleep, before his brain kicked in and reminded him of the precarious situation that he found himself in. He sat up abruptly and tried to recall what he had missed, and when exactly he had drifted off to sleep. He took one glance out of the window and noticed that it was dark, then finally acknowledged Lisbon standing by his feet. He couldn't even bring himself to greet her, so he simply gave her a soft, sad smile.

"Jane," Lisbon repeated his name yet again, but much more tentatively this time. She knew how fragile their situation was, and either of them saying the wrong thing could end in disaster. Actually no, would end in disaster, there was no two ways about it. Although how it could get much worse than this neither of them could imagine. He looked up at her, and held her eye contact for the first time in what seemed like forever. Understanding that she had got his full attention she continued, "We need to talk."

Jane's eyes returned to the floor, as much as he knew they had to sort this out, he had been dreading this talk from the moment that it had become impending. However, he knew that he couldn't avoid it, and the sooner they sorted everything out, the better. He raised his eyes back up to meet hers, and saw guilt and pain reflected in them.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, eyes cast downwards again. Lisbon could see how much this was affecting him; the cocky, arrogant Patrick Jane couldn't even hold eye contact for more than two seconds. Maybe she had let this simmer a little too long. "I...I just didn't think...I'm sorry...I just..." Jane simply couldn't find the words to express his remorse. He had been rendered speechless too.

"Jane," it seemed like all she had said that evening, and its effects seemed to be rubbing off; he kept his eyes on the floorboards. "Patrick," she tried again. This time he gained her attention. "We need to talk about this properly; an apology isn't just going to solve everything." Her words came out with more sting than she had meant, so she continued again.

"A part of me understands why you did what you did, but another part of me hates you for it. How could you do the one thing that you know I can't cope with?"

"I never had any intention of you finding out."

"That's not the point, Jane." Back to surnames then, he thought bitterly. "Do you really think that when my dad used to get wasted off his face he thought about the consequences? He never did, and you didn't either. All it took was one minute of thought and none of this would have ever happened."

"I tried. I really did Lisbon. I just wandered around town not knowing what to do with myself." Jane had pulled himself together considerably, but was still not a shadow of his usual self. "I knew that it was getting out of hand a while back...but I just didn't know what else to do."

"Wait, this has happened before?" Lisbon was shocked, and accusation leaked into her tone. It was not simply a spur of the moment decision, but had been occurring previously. It was not just a one off.

"It started when these cases started." Jane had always maintained the idea that Lisbon didn't know, but now as he thought about it, he knew that it was only going to make her angrier. "Just this last time was the first time it's been you who's been called. Most times I don't even need anybody, I can make my own way home. It's just getting too much." He risked a glance up to her eyes, but for the first time that evening he didn't see hurt, grief or sorrow, he saw a flash of anger and his gaze swiftly retreated back to their safe house, the floor.

Lisbon didn't know what to say to this. She couldn't believe that he had been getting 'plastered' behind her back for weeks now. "How could you do this to me Jane?" Lisbon started quietly, but then as she felt the anger well up inside her she let it all out, her words laced with venom. "After all I've been through Jane you throw this at me. You knew, and I trusted you with my inner most insecurities. You just abused my trust. I knew that I should have never trusted you. You're just too damn self-centred for your own good." Lisbon's voice had risen in pitch until she was shouting these last words at him.

Jane couldn't take it anymore. He responded with the same tone and malice dripped off his words. "What about me? What about my wife and child? He killed them, I'm the reason that they're dead, and these men just run around and literally kill their own wives and children and they don't even care. You expect me to walk around worshiping the ground you walk on just because you've had a tough past too, but I just can't do it anymore. I can't cope with any of this. I turned to alcohol because it just lets me forget. Just for one night I escape the nightmares and the constant reminder that my wife and my beautiful baby girl are dead because of me. I don't care that it happens to be what affects you, because, right now, I couldn't care a less about you or any of your problems. I've got enough of my own to deal with." Jane turned on his heel and all but ran out of the bullpen. As he reached the stairwell he turned to face her and added "Maybe you should try it sometime."

* * *

How she had made it so much worse she didn't know. She hadn't meant to go off at him like that, but he had hurt her so much, and he had been doing it repeatedly for a while now. After Jane had left Lisbon had collapsed down onto 'his' couch and tears had consumed her until she slipped into an uneasy sleep. Her dreams were infested with those who she had loved and lost, her subconscious had now apparently convinced her that Jane fell into that category. It continued like that all night.

Her colleagues filtered into the room at 8:00am, Lisbon didn't even stir. The agents took their places at their desks; each one of them wondering what had taken place the evening before to stimulate this particular scene, a broken Lisbon and an absent Jane.

By the time Minelli came around at half past to deliver the news of their most recent case Lisbon had woken up and somehow made it into her office. When Cho took her a cup of coffee he was hardly surprised to find her slumped down on her desk, the papers beneath her head stained with her tears.

"Got a case for you Lisbon," he addressed her gravely, even he had noticed the change in Jane and his most promising agent since the week began. "Here are the notes," he handed her the file and then made himself scarce, even though he was her boss he knew that Lisbon had quite a temper on her, and sleep deprivation obviously played a part in her appearance this morning.

Nobody queried whether Lisbon was okay as they deserted the CBI building and piled into the SUV's situated in the lot outside. Nobody queried where Jane had been when he turned up at the crime scene with them. He prepared himself to see the dead bodies of a mother and daughter once again, but promised himself that this time he would conduct himself in a more professional manner. Yeah, like Patrick Jane was ever professional.

When they arrived at the crime scene everybody assumed the usual, it had gotten to the stage where the team were suspecting the husband and father even before they arrived, however as soon as they stumbled into view of the bodies, they knew that this was a different story.

A crudely drawn red smiley-face was harshly accentuated by the white walls of the bedroom.

Among the mixed reactions of the team only Jane stood his ground. Once again he maintained a neutral expression on his face as he surveyed the scene in front of him, looking for the slightest sign of evidence. He knew that it was futile. Red John never left any clues. Ever. Soon the stench of human blood became too much for the agents and they vacated the room, meeting together at the bottom of the stairs to discuss their strategy.

"Rigsby, go with Van Pelt and talk the local PD and find out what they know. Cho, go and give forensics the go ahead to take control of the premises. I'm going to talk to the father, come find me when you're done Cho." Lisbon didn't even look at Jane, she knew that even if she gave him an order he wouldn't follow it, and she really couldn't face speaking to him at all.

He upheld his composure all day, never once letting the mask slip. They found no trace of Red John, as always. Lisbon avoided him all day, and the rest of the team ran around doing her bidding. They failed to close the case, and swore that the following day they would make some more progress. They had explored the idea that it was a Red John copycat, but soon dismissed that idea after a closer look at the MO. Jane watched Austin Walker try and hold it together, and from one look in his eyes Jane was immediately filled with the utmost sympathy. This was something that he had never felt before, utter compassion for another man. For the first time in his life Jane had found someone else who knew exactly how he was feeling, someone whose pain matched his precisely.

For the first time in his life, Jane cared about the family.

* * *

The following day dragged on and by 6.00pm Lisbon declared it case closed, once again, the killer remained free. She told the team to go home, no pizza tonight, the mood would just be depressing, so they did as they were told.

Lisbon sat on the beach. It was barely warm enough to be out at this time of night, but she couldn't feel the cold. Lisbon was entranced by the waves, their gentle lapping on the shore washing away all her troubles, well, most of them. How she wished she could stay here forever. Today had been tough, so tough, and still Jane had not even held eye contact with her for longer than a split-second. She couldn't shake him from her thoughts, the images of him in various bars around town plagued her tired brain and she had no energy left to fight them. She wondered how many drinks he had had by now, how much he had managed to forget. She couldn't lie to herself, she had considered his proposal, that she try it herself sometime. But almost as soon as the thought had crossed her mind she hated herself for even thinking it. She couldn't comprehend how she let him get to her like this.

Her mind continued to wander, occasionally going far enough down a tangent that she wondered how it had got there, before it returned to the man who had caused her more pain and grief in recent years than anybody else she knew. She felt bad for the other night, she probably had been too harsh on him, and she had completely neglected his feelings and his own grief, but her mind was so clouded by her own pain at his actions that she had not thought about anything before delivering the acid blows down on his vulnerable person.

Jane meanwhile was standing outside Harpo's. His brain was wrapped up in a fierce internal battle. What should he do? He wanted to go inside and take his mind far, far away. But he couldn't do that to Lisbon. Not again. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her that he was sorry, that he never meant to hurt her and that he would never do it again.

The tears began to spill down his face at his realisation. He would rather care for Lisbon and not hurt her than satisfy his own cravings for peace. He would choose her over himself.

Just as Lisbon arrived at the door of her apartment she saw someone round the corner of the hallway. The tears that had clouded her eyes pretty much since they had left the crime scene meant she could only make out the shape of a man coming towards her. She unlocked her door and just as she was about to close it behind her she turned and her eyes focused on the man in question. She felt a tug on her heart strings when she noticed the rivulets of tears that were making their way down his face, like water droplets on a window pane.

They didn't need words. Jane simply followed Lisbon into her apartment and towards the sofa. There they both sat and silent sobs wracked the vulnerable couple as they somehow found contentment in each other's arms. Jane couldn't find the words to explain his actions, but as if their roles had been reversed he knew that Lisbon knew exactly what he wanted to say, and exactly why he couldn't form the right sentences. "I know," she murmured softly into his chest. At these words he held her even more tightly and in his heart he knew that nothing else mattered. Their minds worked in conjunction with each other and a silent oath of commitment passed between them in that moment.

Jane knew that Teresa Lisbon knew that he had chosen her as a method of comfort rather than alcohol, and he knew just how much that meant to her.

Lisbon knew that never again would Patrick Jane hurt her like he had done, and she knew just how much she meant to him.

Together they remained; both safe in the knowledge that they belonged in each other's arms, as they drifted off into a peaceful sleep for the first time in weeks.

* * *

**So there you have it, hope you all enjoyed it and show it by reviewing for me! **

**Hope to see you all again soon (on the reviews page :P)**

**Cheers again,  
~WL  
**


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